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#exilepitbull

Pitbull, AKA Mr. Worldwide, a husky-voiced rapper from Florida, will almost certainly be sent packing to Kodiak, Alaska come Sunday, as a result of a botched social media marketing campaign.

In an arrangement with Walmart and Sheets Brand energy strip, Pitbull, a short, powerful-looking man with a pugnacious face and sloping shoulders, agreed to perform at any US location with a Walmart which gets the most votes in a Facebook contest.

Hugely popular, with his trademark handsfree mic and chunky shades which make him look like the hair-trigger security detail at an Atlantic City casino, Pitbull guests on songs by the likes of Shakira and J-Lo. The rapper also shills for brands to a degree many find irksome, including writers Jon Hendren and David Thorpe.

So in response to this latest marketing campaign, Hendren (@fart) and Thorpe (@arr) started a Twitter campaign for people to vote for the most remote Walmart location in America – Kodiak island. More than 70,000 people have done so. When the competition closes on 15th July, Pitbull will likely have heard the collective call – get the hell out of here.

Downtown Kodiak

As Elba was for Napolean, so may Kodiak be a private little hell for Pitbull during the few hours he is there; a picturesque exile of the soul away from both the Miami streets and the corporate sponsors that raised him.

Nevertheless, for those still on the fence over whether or not to piss off a hard-working Floridian, consider the following:

1/ Pitbull must have a hide like a rhino. His enthusiasm for corporate sponsorship borders on the macabre. Touting product for the likes of Kodak and Budweiser, he has pimped himself out of his own free will too many times to feel any shame over this. As for his sponsors, Walmart and Sheets presumably couldn’t be happier. Every time someone ‘likes’ the idea of sending Pitbull to Kodiak, they see a photo of the rapper, gumming for the camera with an energy strip. If this exercise is a little more humiliating for the ‘talent’ than planned, well they can probably live with that.

Plus, Mr. Worldwide reportedly has a financial stake in Sheets and therefore in his own degradation.

2/ This is the kind of lyricist we’re talking about here:

‘Cause I can spit it spit it
However you want it want it
My peoples is with it with it
We about that money money
And I do anything that I have to do to get that money meng
Miami, Money is a major issue meng
They, They don’t understand

Racket writer Mark O’Connell recently argued in favour of the Ancient Greek practice of casting out annoying public figures, in a process which involved anonymously carving their names into pieces of broken pottery, called ostraka. Mark put Michelle Bachmann, Simon Cowell and Bono on his ostraka. Granted, there a lot of people who ought to join the rapper out there in Kodiak. In fact, some of them are a lot worse…

Here’s where to vote (Kodiak Walmart is zip code 99615):
http://www.facebook.com/pitbull/app_216359575057664

UPDATE: It’s official, he’s going. Dalee.